jocelynism asked: 11, 23, 51, & 81
One Liquid I’d Drink Forever: Red Kola Champagne.
Was I Happier Four Months Ago Compared to Now: I don’t think so. I’m not even sure. I feel like it was equal, I was still pretty miserable. A little more hopeful for things, but still unhappy albeit for different reasons.
Whether The Last Person I Kissed Has Seen Me Cry: I’ve never properly kissed anyone. I did kiss my sister’s cheek this morning. She has seen me cry on more than one occasion.
Will I Change My Name When I Get Married: It depends how well it sounds adjacent to ‘Lana’. That’s if I get married at all.
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2 days ago)
illicitcharmz ha contestado a tu publicación: Kissing.
Sounds like very wonderful feelings
Yes. I wish these people would let me, or if I would let myself. I just want to get it out of my system. I just want to communicate so many things and not in so many words. Kissing to me seems this easily translated thing, body language in its most eloquent form. Affection, affection.
I don’t know why but just talking about this makes me flush with anxiety, the thought of certain people and their faces or their lips or how it would even go…
I like to imagine that—excuses to kiss people, scenarios. Sometimes when I’m standing in front of a person I study their lips and in the silence that hovers when we’re out of things to say the thought wiggles into the front of my mind and I don’t know, it’s a curious thing. I want to kiss lots of people, (really it’s only five) but each is special or of interest to me in a way differing from the other.
Dammit. It’s a bittersweet thing. I love people, but it’s so sad, always.
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4 days ago)
Anonymous asked: Also, I don't think people don't think you're attractive. Maybe people just don't mention it to you. I've come across a few of your pictures before, and I think you're beautiful. I also think you've a lovely, deep personality. It just resonates in a way that most peoples' don't.
If people simply aren’t telling me, I wish they would. It’d be nice to hear for once. I never ever feel or look beautiful. You say this, but then again you judge me from pictures, and you have to understand to a certain degree these are staged. Over and over again, I can take a picture and select which one to present to the world, the others never seeing the light of day. There are little things I can do like throw on lip gloss or an outfit or even just adjust the lighting so my skin looks clear. Do you see what I mean?
On an average day though, I look terrible. My hair’s a mess because I can’t be bothered. My eyebrows aren’t done. My makeup might be smudged. Or my lips chapped. If I was in a good mood that morning, perhaps I’m dressed stylishly, but it could just as easily be an oversized-shirt-and-jeans kind of day. I’m not conventionally attractive. I’m not cute. I look clumsy because I carry around a thousand bags full of books and journals, and everything I own is prone to falling out of my hands.
People do not look at me and think I’m good-looking. They don’t. No one has ever thought this of me as far as I know. I’m not that girl. It’s not that I think I’m ugly. I just believe everyone else does. And really, I don’t blame them, as much as I disagree. When I look at myself, I tend to think I’m pretty. There’s not much about myself that I would really change. But I can’t help how others see me.
But don’t think I’m dismissing your compliment! I’m not. I do appreciate it. Thank you. Right now, I think personality is the best thing I have going for me, though. So that’s okay, too.
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2 weeks ago)
moosevox asked: When someone steps in to back you up are you more likely to feel like they’re standing up for you or trying to fight your battles for you? What’s the difference between the two?
I don’t think someone who backs you up is “fighting your battles” for you. They’re supporting you. They’re affirming whatever you’re fighting for. If they were doing the fighting for you, they’d be…well, I don’t know, they’d be playing the assertive role.
For example, say you get in trouble for something. You say you’re innocent. A friend steps up in agreement and can even offer an alibi. It’s not their battle because YOU are still being targeted either way and them helping you doesn’t bring them glory, doesn’t exactly affect them quite the same.
Someone who fights your battles for you makes you seem helpless and leaves you feeling that you’re dependent on them (or need to be) in order to avoid trouble or get out of certain situations. Someone who backs you up lets you do the work on your own and are ready to step in if it comes to that. It’s all about moral support, and there’s nothing wrong with having plenty of it at your discretion.
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2 weeks ago)
tokillahumblebee ha contestado a tu publicación: I kinda want to tell people about the awesome video concept I came up with today!
go for it. making videos has become one of my favorite pastimes, and possibly my future career.
It’s definitely going to be a big part of my future since screenwriting is what I’m going to be studying. The idea of making anything with my own hands, imagination and initiative fills me with an indescribable bliss.
Would you like to hear about my idea? Even though I don’t have any equipment at my disposal just yet, I intend to get a headstart as soon as I do. Some suggestions on my concept would be useful though, I guess.
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2 weeks ago)
Anonymous asked: one, seven, thirteen.
Something I Really Regret: I will always resent the fact that sophomore year I listened to my parents and did not apply to be a junior comissioner for SING. The show has always meant a lot to me and I think that because I didn’t stick with playing a big role in its production, I got kicked to the sides and didn’t enjoy it as much as I would’ve. That one choice would have easily changed other things, and I hate myself for not doing what I wanted. That was a bad decision and the outcome hasn’t been a good one.
Someone I Hate: I don’t hate anyone. I don’t even “hate” one of my friend’s ex-boyfriends as much as I have reason to. I don’t really believe in hating people. There are a few people I am wary of, these individuals being particularly obnoxious or inconsiderate and the like. Other than that, my habit is to either ignore people or love them. It’s like that with me.
Favorite Book(s):
- If You Come Softly, Jacqueline Woodson
- This is All, Aiden Chambers
- Animal Farm, George Orwell
- It, Stephen King
There are probably more, but that’s a quick list.
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3 weeks ago)
drbree asked: 9, 10, 11
Something I Really Want: I really want some sort of certainty is various aspects of my life. It’d certainly be helpful.
Favorite Drink: Seeing as I can’t talk alcohol considering I’ve only tasted vodka and alize and wasn’t too keen on either, my favorite soda flavors are Mountain Dew and red Kola Champagne.
Reason Why It’s Done With My Ex: I don’t have an ex because I’ve never really dated anyone. I like people all the time, and those end simply because it’s unrequited.
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3 weeks ago)
lustforthoughts asked: 6,25,18,3 :) hey hun! It's been a while
Hey you! We haven’t spoken in ages. How’s life?
Since I’ve just answered 6&25, here’s my response to the other two:
Celebrity Crushes:
- Kristen Stewart
- Emma Stone
- Ariana Grande
- Lisa Bonet (when she was younger, she was perfect)
- Kerli
There aren’t any male celebrities I have legit crushes on. Some of them I just find kind of adorable.
The Happiest Moment in My Life: The few weeks I was away at sleepaway camp were the very best. There were so many amazing things about that experience: sleeping under the stars, going on the swings, performing in a show. It was all very happy and very carefree. And I haven’t known that sort of innocent bliss since.
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3 weeks ago)
rinnyssance asked: Six, nine, twelve, twenty five
Sweetest Thing Said to Me: There was a moment where Elizabeth was telling me how she imagined my future working out for me, and she was saying something along the lines of how I kind of don’t fit with people right now, but that I would blend in perfectly in college. It’s not “sweet” by conventional standards, but I’ve taken those words to heart ever since and they make me feel better a lot.
Something I Really Want: I don’t think there’s any material thing I’d die for right now. Secretly I’d be pretty content with a significant other, but that’s not happening.
Who I Miss:
- Amanda
- The cats: Finster, Ribbon & Spice (They’ve all gone away and it never stops making me sad)
- It seems vain, but I miss my younger self. I don’t like me much these days.
How I’m Feeling: Tired. Discontent. Stressed. Anxious. Emotional.
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3 weeks ago)
Anonymous asked: I'm always afraid it'll catch me off guard, and I'll end up doing something rash. Whenever I feel especially dead, I sometimes stab myself with something rather dull (nothing that pierces me), to remind myself that I still exist. Other times I take a few pills (nothing too dangerous) and get myself paranoid enough into thinking it could be. The fear of death reminds me that I do not really want to die.
I’ve done the pill thing before, but I knew nothing would come of it. Your fear is very understandable, and it’s probably the best defense mechanism the mind has. I wouldn’t worry too much. You’re not going to do something. Like I said, you strike me as too self-aware to have your demons outsmart you.
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3 weeks ago)
Anonymous asked: Yes, I agree with that. It kind of bothers me when people are so adamant that those who commit suicide are selfish. Even if you may call it a selfish act, I don't think they're driven by an entirely selfish thought - it's mostly the desperation that gets to them. Personally, I always think I'm past the depression and the suicidal thoughts, but then it just hits me, and it's terrifying how suddenly these thoughts can change - even if I know I'm not in the right state of mind.
The selfish argument has always baffled and bothered me. You do not owe it to anyone to carry on being miserable if you do not see it fit. It saddens and hurts others, but it’s more selfish to ask someone to put up with what’s bothering them because it makes YOU unhappy. I really hate that logic.
However, the fact that we’re at least self-aware is a big deal. It comes and goes, but we’re above it in a sense that we know what’s going on, that we’re not completely “okay”. I think that sense will either strengthen or weaken, but it depends on so much. It IS terrifying, and the instability will catch you off guard. But we’re too lucid to ever be properly desperate, so depression is a sort of thing you have to wait out until it passes.
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3 weeks ago)
Anonymous asked: Perhaps "consider" gives the wrong connotation. It's more so, as you said, considering it in a way that I wouldn't really carry it out. Although, I suppose once or twice it may have seriously come into mind to act on it. I just have some phases of sadness that seem to cripple me, and my mind tends to run a tad dark. Most of it is just guilt, fear, general depression (used rather loosely in this way - I have never been declared clinically depressed.)
Ah, in that sense, we’re a bit similar. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m serious or not when I talk about it. I was serious enough to research methods and figure out how to do it if I ever did. I have a lot of opinions of suicide. Most of the poetic executions were painful and messy, and I think those people were brave and desperate. I think they needed an escape in ways different from how we think we do. People in the past have put themselves through lots of agony just to be free of what was haunting them. I admire it but because I am not impulsive, the rashness passes and the moment dies. Sadness, fear, guilt? Those things are common, and nomadic.
I toy with the idea often but I don’t mean it as much now as I used to. A month ago, two months ago? I was much more serious. I don’t want to die. I want to be “free” of other things, but in different ways. I am not dispelling the idea for the sake of others, but because it doesn’t fix what needs to be fixed.
Having a dark mind isn’t bad, considering the thought isn’t either. I understand exactly what you mean.
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3 weeks ago)
