1. From roughly 15-17, I think it would be accurate to claim that I got a lot of personal satisfaction from being [sexually] desirable to [older] men while (technically) simultaneously being unavailable [due to my age]. I think a lot about how young girls go out of their way to get that kind of attention.

    However now that I’m 20, and in the age range of many the men whose approval I used to seek out when I was younger (20-22), there’s literally nothing you could say to make me turn my head for a high schooler. Like you’re sixteen? Bye. What conservation am I having with a high school sophomore? Or anyone who’s not at least a high school graduate period. Like.

    I think that being at the age I am now allows me to “get” how much of a disconnect there is. I mean, now that I’m older, I’m continuing to look up. Like I’m interested in men a few years my senior. I’m not sure I really understand looking down beyond a certain point, and I don’t think there’s any other explanation for it beyond point blank predatory behaviour.


  2. I asked the question because I was trying to determine the difference between kissing someone on the cheek versus kissing their forehead.

    Different places on the body signify different things. A kiss on the back of the hand, for example, is courteous and okay as a formality, but to me a kiss on the palm is comparatively far more intimate and would not be as acceptable from a stranger.

    Kisses to my forehead have often for me been parting gestures or silent consolation. Kisses to my cheek, however, make me blush.


  3. I would like it to be clear that there are boundaries to what people are allowed to say to me, and I take the attempt to attack my feelings and thoughts and try to minimize them as a very negative and hurtful offense. You are not allowed to dismiss my feelings or insert yourself into how I feel. Anything I say and post here relates directly and specifically to me and therefore is valid by default and not open to critique unless it is somehow potentially harmful to others.


  4. favorites

    The expectation that everything in life demands and deserves a hierarchy. What’s your favorite song, favorite show, favorite book, movie, color: no and no and no and no. To all of it. I have things I enjoy based on my moods. I wish the questions would center around scenarios. A novel that made me laugh. A show that I hated as much as I loved. A movie that I couldn’t stop talking about after I saw it.

    I really don’t like the idea of having favorite things anymore, and people using my preferences as their own reference for judging, labeling and interpreting me. I think it’s dishonest of me to play into it, because I have media that I get very engaged with, but I feel like I can never pinpoint something above all that stands out more significantly than others.

    At least not with media. I consume these things with some particularity, and I am not unaware of the fact that how I bring myself to a piece of art influences my perception of it. So I bring myself carefully. I like reading reviews, holding discussions. I like talking about ideas. I really like cool ideas.

    I think favorites are very limiting because mine aren’t static for sure. I like them as conservation starters but I value the idea of having a broad range of loves without one having to outrank the other.


  5. I’m very removed from the culture of obsessive interest in celebrities that I really never relate to the collective grieving that everyone goes through when someone dies

    With no disrespect to those who do so, I just find it an interesting phenomenon that people can be so taken by the lives of individuals many degrees removed from them

    I don’t get “stans” or fangirling or the emotional investment that ties in

    I think it’s because I have never personally experienced death or true love so I can’t relate to these intense feelings that many seem to cultivate when something serious happens. I also lack general sexual attraction, much less to people I’m never going to meet ever, so the emotional / sexual investment in that regard is lost on me as well. I also hold the belief that everyone is human and thusly my equal no matter their status in life.

    So I have a mentality that doesn’t give way to idolization as easily. When ever a person in the media dies I completely ignore the subject because I don’t have a point of reference for the sadness. I’ve noticed this with mass tragedies as well, that I notice these things happen but I get over them immediately and cease caring way before everyone else. I think another factor is my slight idealization of death due to my frequent depression and suicidal feelings. Literally my thoughts often fall over to, “Lucky them, they’re better off,” and that’s a comfort of its own.

    I suppose it’s kind of shitty to think so, but there’s a great range of disconnect in how I register “tragedy” that’s gone viral.


  6. "Black"

    I was telling Yilla about Mr. NYE & she raised her eyebrows once I disclosed he was in fact an older white guy — a joking “Oh no!” followed by, “I just hope he’s not fetishizing you.” I shook my head in response, because it’s not like that.

    I realized recently that I never feel “black”. I forget my skin color all the time and it rarely crosses my mind that I am being perceived by it. I think of most of my other qualities as proceeding it. For example, I am always aware that I am a woman, and an attractive one at that. I take notice of how this shapes the way men look at and speak to me. I’m aware of my character, my youth, my skillsets. I often forget that I’m the only “black girl” during most shifts at my job, for example. I only “remember” my race when it comes to greeting the black customers, because I understand that that degree of familiarity can sometimes make me more approachable. I’m not the only PoC at my job either so that might be why I am less racially conscious. I’m so used to diversity that I never bother to analyze my skin tone and try to contrast it.

    Secondly, I identify with my culture before I identify with the American idea of “blackness”, which I don’t really relate to. I come from a West Indian background, rich with foods and customs and accented English and music. There’s a lot to take in. I feel like black Americans have very little of all that, except for those living in regions where certain traditions and customs never died. I was telling my friend about how I relate more to Latin American lit because it’s the closest thing I have to stories about the Caribbean.

    I only felt like a token black girl in college, at Boston because everyone was painfully white. It was the first time that had ever happened to me. Over there I felt like all these white people had never been exposed to different types of people and they just all seemed content with that. It made me uncomfortable and sort of confused for the first time about my identify. My retaliation was to thusly cling to the things that made me myself - my culture, my pride for New York. I decided to be more of these things if I had to be the only one. I felt like I was compensating for the fact that no one could really “get” me.

    It’s different here. I’m not just a black girl, I’m a girl foremost. When I explain where my family is from, people here automatically understand the difference between West Indians / Africans / African Americans. I have never felt discriminated against in my life, and that has allowed me to avoid carrying this chip on my shoulder with the assumption that everyone sees me as less. I don’t think he has a “black girl fetish”. The thought had never really occurred to me. I felt more aware of his whiteness than my blackness, to be honest, and I tried not to think about the interracial aspect of our coupling so deeply. But that’s harder to help, I suppose. To assume white men can only fetishize me reduces everything I am, but he doesn’t say anything questionable or act creepy and so it should be fine…


  7. About the boy:

    A quick note before I start my day. I spent the whole night with him, five hours of roaming the city and walking through drizzle and trying to figure out somewhere fun to be. I was so content, and I’ve come to a few conclusions.

    This is the first guy that I genuinely hold a strong sexual attraction to. Sometimes I get distracted talking to him because when he’s not kissing me I’m just thinking about how much I wish he was.

    I think the root of this sexual energy is from the fact that our bodies sync rhythms very naturally. I don’t feel self-conscious when he touches me. Instead, I’m very aware of myself and how everything feels and I like that a lot. I came to this conclusion a few minutes ago when I recalled his comment on the fact that I didn’t lag behind when we walked, and I think it’s because we were holding hands and my footsteps just matched his naturally, because like I said, our bodies seem very in tune with each other.

    Which is why I understand now why I like his kissing so much. I feel like everything he does with me is indicative of skill. When he kisses me - the way he does, skillfully and slowly and playfully and then with more force - I feel like he’s in control of me, like he absolutely knows what he’s doing and that he’s very, very good at it. I like the control, and the hints of roughness, assertive qualities that I am highly attracted to in men. I enjoy that kind of aggression, the way he presses into me, pulls my hair to position me how he wants me, pausing now and then to assess me and smirk. I am not averse to the idea of sleeping with him. Honestly, I really want to.

    I like that he can go from having a conversation with me to kissing me to making me laugh and it’s all easy. I like that even the way he holds my hand feels like he’s directing my body. I like that he understands my sensuality so he just runs his fingers along my arms and thighs just because. Every gesture is a turn-on because he reads my body language well and leads with his own and he lets me touch him without making me feel silly or awkward for it. Despite the fact that he teases me about being a virgin (“Once you start having sex you’ll understand” / “shut up I’m not five”), I don’t really mind this either.

    I told him that when I start school in the fall I’ll be like fifteen minutes away from him, and that’s interesting to note, that I’ll have a proper excuse to see him and everything. He was pleased with this news.

    But I liked tonight. Being alone with him and chatting and all that. I suppose sooner or later maybe something will happen between us. I don’t want to like, date him or anything major. But I hope to eventually act on this sexual attraction.


  8. bbalgangyi:


    My old art teacher was a scholar in art history, focusing mostly on the interaction between East Asian (the Korean word is 동양 which translates roughly to Oriental) and Western painters and one of the papers has a passage about the whole imitation of oriental art by western artists. 

    "The western artist, while attempting to copy the oriental artist’s work, finds themself lost and unsuccessful. While they have the artistic skill to copy the works, they do not understand the ideology which lies at the very base of oriental paintings. 

    The western artist defines their paintings by what they draw, every aspect of their art must be seen and explicit. Every background colored, every detailed shaded, every speck of light captured. 

    The oriental artist is defined by what they do not paint. It is the ideology of the beauty of emptiness, the beauty of margin, the beauty of space which defines these paintings. 

    For example, in the United Shilla period of Korean history, there is a famous story of the emperor of the Tang dynasty sending Queen Seonduk a painting of a beautiful flower, to which angered the queen. When asked why, Queen Seonduk explained “The flower is without scent, there are no bees or no butterflies surrounding the flower. It is an insult and a mocking of me as I have no husband”. 

    We see here that it is within what is not truly drawn that the message of the emperor was hidden. 

    It is also shown linguistically. While the island country of the west, Britain, turned to language which is sarcastic, such as black humor, the island country of the east, Japan, have walked the opposite way, turning to language which is as polite as possible. The British are explicit with their language, yet the Japanese bury their true meanings in bones which they cover with flesh and skin of polite language.

    This is why the western painter cannot paint an oriental painting, and it is also why a westerner cannot understand an oriental painting. They lack the understanding of the ideology behind the brush strokes to truly understand what the brush strokes hold. “

    this is a very important post to me. 

    It kind of explains my whole philosophy of the importance of the margin which I try very hard and fail at explaining to so many people. 

    (via tupsyturvy)


  9. Anonymous said: My boyfriend hates reading, doesn't "believe" in global warming(like at all), hate science because it "changes its opinion too much", and makes fun of fat people. Are these grounds for breakup or no








    Why are you even asking this? If you’re a smart person, you know the answer to this already.

    Almost anyone that tells you they don’t like reading is pretty much an idiot and are never to be taken serious. They’re increasing their chances of failure 10 times over.

    Get away from him.

    Is she dating Glenn Beck?

    How do you even get to the point of dating someone like this?

    Y’all never dated problematic people? It happens.

    It definitely happens. I dated a few sociopaths, a malignant narcissist who believed in eugenics and numerous very problematic people.

    Of course im a bit of an extreme case of has very bad taste in partners.

    Im trying to do better.

    I have issues.

    Wow could OP be a bigger piece of shit?

    I hate reading. I have reading disabilities that make it a lot harder for me to read anything in comparison to others and I have to work harder than anyone else at it. Also reading is fucking boring and there is no reason why my interests need to be similar to yours. But glad to know I am an “idiot”.

    As if the other reasons they listed weren’t enough to make that guy an ass. Funny how OP ignored those.

    Why is no one reblogging this in this chain calling this out?

    For someone who hates to read, you sure typed a lot.

    In any case I covered people with disabilities in an earlier post. Why don’t you try reading back some.

    But for people with reading disabilities there are alternatives such as audiobooks, so what kind of excuse is that really? Considering there is such an abundance of literature (fiction, nonfiction) all of which is valuable and enriching, a dislike of books is worrying although it doesn’t necessarily make you “an idiot”. 


  10. (Source: ethiopienne, via writeswrongs)


  11. African American is a specific ethnicity. Not everyone who is Black is African American.


    People need to get that.

    (via black--lamb)


  12. 9c9bs:

    with the video for two weeks” taking off, you guys should revisit my feature story on FKA twigs earlier music videos. (can also be found on pg 27 here)


  13. "The internet creates such a spotlight that it feels uncomfortable to be truly imperfect in peace."

  14. (i know a lot of people who still say coolie. my mother included. and so casually too, using it to describe anything remotely ‘indian’ - a restaurant, hair. used by people both indian and not. i am aware that it is derogatory however - according to my mother it’s equivalent to the n word - but i’m not surprised that a lot of people are ignorant to the term. sometimes people seem to be reclaiming it for themselves in the same sense. 

    (i feel exasperated with how removed i am from the heavier connotations of the term because i know the word is a slur and therefore refrain from using it, but i am thrown off by how much others do)


  15. heroineheroine:


    African vs African Americans [A Hesitant Convo w/ Evelyn From the Internets]

    Love this

    This is really interesting, and might have benefited from a third perspective from someone who was from the Caribbean. Those are the three general cultures I’ve experienced firsthand: There are Africans, West Indians and then people who are “just” black. And it’s weird, because I’ve always felt like African Americans kind of lack a culture? Unless they’re from the South or areas that have similar histories, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of depth except for grabbing trends from the media.

    But I like this, because I can relate to the discomfort of the AA label and adopting ‘black’ as a catch-all term instead (which I personally do, I hate being called African American.). And also relatable is the disconnect about learning the history of black people in school the same way white people do. It’s hard to place how slavery shaped where my family is from when I can so quickly trace my roots back to Europe just a few generations back. But I think the three identities have their overlaps, but it’s easy for other people to dismiss them and try to pretend there’s no difference.

    (via black--lamb)