May 2012
Dear You,
If you’re sad, me too. Because I care I guess, and maybe it’s personal, that’s okay. If I can interest you in a hug, it’s yours to have. I don’t know if you care at all, but you matter a little and I’m here to listen and support you all you need, because sometimes happy is the kind of thing you earn on your own.
Feel better.
3 tags
I have been making progress with my characters. It’s the only thing I’ve been seriously focusing on the last few days. I like this world I’m setting them in. I want it to be a run-down chaos ridden city. I’m just developing people, creating backgrounds for their existence. I’m pretty excited! I tried to write a scene, but it went all wrong. Next time, though....
2 tags
Everyone has their own issues. We are all insecure, imperfect people with problems for a lifetime. I have always been drawn to the idea of a group of broken friends. We sympathize with one another, but none of us are ever in much of a position to judge. We may trump others in one respect but find ourselves below them some other way. It’s silly. I love and hate how pathetic everyone is on the...
I think I blame myself for everything. I don’t think I am unhappy anymore. I am many things: alone, confused, scared. But the indifference is back. I have hurt myself too much by caring too deeply, by caring too soon.
1 tag
Screenwriter
Lyricist
Copywriter
Card Designer
Writing Teacher
Things I Would Be if I Could…
1 tag
Sergio Mendes | Magalenha
1 tag
1 tag
For the last couple of days, I’ve been hearing my name in public like an echo. I turn around and it’s silence, people moving about, their worlds completely independent of me. I frown, and narrow my eyes at them, and it’s always happening. Somewhere I am alone, I hear my name but no one is there, no one has called me. It makes me nervous.
Maybe I’m being haunted by a...
1 tag
Anonymous asked: 43, 54
2 tags
jocelynism asked: 11, 23, 51, & 81
2 tags
You know what I did today? I watched Victorious episodes, read justifications of various ships (I cannot decide if I ship Bori over Tandre, but I like the thought of Cabbie; Bade is awful and Jori sounds silly), and half-heartedly attempted to chart characters from my story. Fandoms are sort of fun, I’ve noticed. I also can’t help but be impressed by Dan Schneider’s run of...
5 tags
Moments of My Life.
: (Some friends and I were at a museum looking at sculptures)
Vinita: Ooh, naked men.
Me: I don't get the appeal. All these guys are castrated.
Noe: No, castrated is when they cut your balls off.
Me: Oh. You're right. They DO still have those. Well, what do they call it when they cut off the other part?
Vinita: Torture?
Hakeem: I think that's called being penalized.
1 tag
“I find it insulting when people insist to a suicidal person that “they have so...”
– JESSE EISENBERG
“So fuck you, I don’t need to hear that I’m stronger than my depression. I knew that already, it doesn’t change how I feel. You can’t sprinkle magic sparkle unicorn words over a chemical imbalance and make it go away. Don’t trivialize, invalidate, what I’m going through like...
I never have anything to be excited about on Saturdays. I miss weeknights being filled with anticipation for things. I’m debating on having some coffee. I think I’m gonna save it for once a week so it lasts longer.
This morning I finished the last 50 Shades book and I’m glad that towards the end it actually got interesting and stopped using sex as fluff for its plotless direction and lack of strong characters. It was pleasant enough, a sort of happy ending. It’s the sort of book I just side-eye because how do people…uphold that stuff as good? It’s fine to read it, to enjoy it, but to...
moosevox asked: “To be good at something you must be better than others” - Agree or Disagree?
I’ve gotten myself excited about writing again, which is good. I’ve been outlining and today is going to be focused on cleaning my room and fleshing out characters. I’ve decided that it’s best I merge my two ideas, so we’ll see how that goes. The actual writing, though? Oh boy…
2 tags
illicitcharmz ha contestado a tu publicación: Kissing.
Sounds like very wonderful feelings
Yes. I wish these people would let me, or if I would let myself. I just want to get it out of my system. I just want to communicate so many things and not in so many words. Kissing to me seems this easily translated thing, body language in its most eloquent form. Affection, affection.
I don’t know...
4 tags
Kissing.
I’ve never been properly kissed, but lately I just want to make out with people. It’s a feeling I get when I like someone, wanting to kiss them. By “like” what I mean varies. Some people I am unsure how I feel about. I just want to kiss them and roam around in their mouths for a bit and then stare at their faces for a little while and think a thousand things. There are...
2 tags
4 tags
Quick Note on Personal Room For Improvement.
I guess because I am bi, I am more sensitive to certain LGBTQ issues, because most of my friends are straight and therefore more likely to be ignorant. Even I am ignorant on many things, but I am trying all the time and learning. I don’t bring things up solely for the sake of argument, only when the issue presents itself. I have learned that I get really passionate about these things:...
4 tags
A stillborn of an idea was the thought of it,
A disposable fit, like a rubber glove.
A dent in cement like a footprint pressed, A tattooed road etched with careful steps:
Recovered later, smoothed over like a blemish:
A beautiful dilemma and a day for keep.
“Well why don’t you…” and the blanks were filled with endless accusations, but never stay
So I didn’t...
Slowly withdrawing from everything, everyone. I don’t mean to, but if you set a crab in a pot and heat it slowly…
Next weekend should be nice. I’m going to hope for fair weather and maybe have my hair styled next Wednesday. It’ll be pleasant, no doubt about it. Something carefree to do, that sort of thing.
I’m tired, trying to read a bit before ultimately...
It’s five o’clock in the morning. A lot of things are running through my head. I didn’t give myself any room for sleep after waking up in the middle of the night. Now I’m up, listening to the birds, engrossed in thought. I am tired, and the little ache of hunger is quiet, but annoying. I wonder if pain killers make appetites stop. That’d be nice.
I’ll have to...
3 tags
3 tags
The jealousy died, and it’s hard to tell REAL from jokes or just pretend or what. I caught myself, and now I don’t care. The vulnerability is killed, and there is no ache or wincing or anything so dramatic. There was no talk, and it gets harder. But I don’t want to….give up? No.
1 tag
Today was mother’s day. My father, as usual, went out to get balloons, foods, anything to entice. It was a Sunday, pleasant. The day passed like any other, and my mother is on vacation from work, although right now I doubt she’s sleeping.
My mother is one of my favorite people in the whole world; I love her as much as I love my sisters. I am always wishing I could have been as pretty...
1 tag
Anonymous asked: links to book? :-)
4 tags
5 tags
2 tags
So, I’m reading this novel everyone has been talking about. Literally, EVERYONE. It’s erotica, which was enough to pique my interest. The fun is that it deals with BDSM, so I’m doubly interested. I only found out about it Friday morning, and promptly downloaded it that afternoon, and already I am on the tenth chapter, amused. By no means would I call the quality of the writing...
4 tags
Sex is a topic that comes up very often among my group of friends. The girls, really. I don’t know what the guys talk about when it’s just them but as for the rest of us, we can never seem to hold any conversation without, at the very least, a mild “that’s what she said” joke. It’s not very surprising, although I find it amusing to note that it’s something...
1 tag
1 tag
So after I calmed down, I thought about it, and realized I was being ridiculous. Sorry. I was doing it again: wanting you to abide by the rules in my head, which is wrong. It is always going to be wrong to ask that of people. It is unfair to hold grudges when people fail to live up to expectations they didn’t know I was holding them accountable for.
I didn’t want anything urgent or...
1 tag
I started thinking, and then started crying, and...
Anyway, the feeling is back. Two days in a row were too much, and even yesterday Michael had said it was nice to see me smiling, but whatever. And everything worsens it, which makes me feel like a bad person no matter what I do. I wish no one (from school) followed me, so that it wouldn’t matter what I say, or what I don’t say. I wish none of you read this. I wish I had never been...
1 tag
Now I remember why I wanted to be rid of the damn thing, why I hated it so much in the first place. I still hate it, and it’s making me sick, but not as much as this embarrassment.
I want to apologize, but I don’t even know who to direct the words to. Or what for, exactly.
They are just feelings, little pangs of victimization: anger, betrayal, affection, hopelessness,...
3 tags
I concluded today, after a particular comment was said, that it’s fine. I am doing that thing again: creating an idea and expecting people to play along with it, but how unfair is that? How irrational can I get?
There are no words for it, there are no rules. I am not accustomed to the idea, but it works out so well that way. The flow of it is better if I just learn to quit the old habits.
1 tag
Today was the AP English exam, and it was fine. Of course it was, what else was there to expect? I even enjoyed writing the essays, threw in a pun in one of them and vainly chuckled at my own cleverness. I was talking about a man’s failed gardening attempts, penned a line “his attempts to bear fruit were fruitless”. I love wordplay. Wordplay is magical if you can pull it off. We...
2 tags
I’m not sure why I’m upset. It’s several things at once, foremost a bitter loneliness. But I was dishing myself a plate of leftover spaghetti, concluding I was too much of a headache for anyone to put up with; why force them into that? I am intense. Too much, too little, I am passionate extremes. Except not really, I’m just full of shit. I don’t want to long for...
3 tags
A year ago a boy told me about this site for writers, that I would like it. I signed up for it, uploaded samples of various stories. The site was brand new, still fresh, and I would read and critique other stories. I hated some. I felt like some people were trying too hard, sounded pathetically amateur. I gave constructive, proper reviews if I was in a good mood. Now and then I’d get praise,...
I finished the book. It was satisfying, but I’d forgotten how sad endings could be. I am also caught between the urge to read more books, write anything. But, not yet. And reviews. Those soon, too.