January 2012
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Things I Am Thinking Instead of Sleeping:
I have three sisters and two brothers. I am, at age seventeen, the oldest of six. My parents are married and there are no half-siblings or step-siblings. We all live together and drive each other crazy.
I have a good relationship with my sisters. The one closest to my age is a pain now and then, but she’s not so bad. My second sister is my favorite because we share our birthday and have so...
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Daft Punk | The Prime Time of Your Life
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(inspired by the suicide poem)
There are epitaphs composed skillfully of vague generalities no more compassionate than a horoscope or a palm reading.
and when you see these well—
death is just as unoriginal as living, isn’t it?
Epitaphs omit the how of things: the details, gritty and always obscure that death is never a singular occurrence.
I have figured out what the fifth poem is trying to say! (Maybe.) Which is good! So now, I’ve got the hards parts covered, which means tonight is all about writing as much as it takes to make a point. Thank goodness this paper has no limit. I don’t know how much I’ll actually end up writing. And when this is over I shall check ever poetic analysis to see how accurate I did on...
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“It’s just hard to see a friend hurt this much. Especially when you can’t do...”
–
Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
(via durianquotes)
God I hate this book but this is so relevant right now.
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on: expressions of genius
tokillahumblebee:
I can’t stand when “they have too much free time” is a response to somebody’s (usually brilliant) creative work or to the thoroughness with which a person partakes in their favorite hobbies. This whole I-have-better-things-to-do superiority complex is used to undervalue the meticulous nature by which an artist is an artist. And really, what are you doing in your free time that...
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Journal Excerpts
nobody thinks they are unique to a heart or they never fully appreciate the way one can love them and I have spent so many years trying to convince you, but maybe you are better off in your false beliefs.
In my heart you are so you and not…? less are you Quite common and you are not the girl I love when it is no big deal, but I love you when it is like the need to breathe.
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“Each time a man looks into your eyes, he is only searching to find himself; for...”
– Jeremy Aldana (via girlinboyclothes)
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It’s raining. I’m wrapped in covers, just listening to it.
And I am considering writing a piece called Awake. I figured I could somehow rationalize last night’s experience for myself if I fictionalized certain aspects. I do that with lots of things. Take a moment and turn it into words.
I just remembered we were talking about rain last night. As we were walking.Summer rain is...
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SING practice means everything hectic means noise means I’m coming in sweats and whatever footwear is comfortable means I’m not straightening rain-ruined hair. It’s Friday. And yeah. This’ll be an interesting fiasco. Or perhaps I should just stay home, whatever. I have so much to do:
if I go, I get home by 4/5 and the day gets all sucked up and knowing myself the...
So tomorrow will be spent at SING (maybe) and slaving over an essay due on Monday.
I am using the following Cummings poems:
since feeling is first
may I feel said he**
in the middle of the room stands a suicide
tic toc
it is at moments after I have dreamed
**I may instead choose love’s the only verb that lives
I should really quit procrastinating on the project. You know, cause...
I’ve been singing Cry Me a River all day. Listening to it. Hearing it in my head. It’s always the really old-timey songs that I love and find myself attached to. I’m just going to play this over and over for a while. It calms me down.
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My hair got slightly wet from the rain.
I feel terribly anxious. I don’t know whether to sleep or stay up or…?
Debating whether to stay home tomorrow or go out or who cares
I’m not tired and I’m afraid to go to sleep
I need to go to sleep
My head hurts so much. But I ate today. I shouldn’t have a headache.
I feel like writing. anything, something.
and also,...
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Currently I am on my way home. I am humming to myself and thinking that the world is scarier than I ever bothered to realize. People are, I mean.
I guess it’s just a sort of shock. And also a reality check. I’m trying to internalize this feeling, but I don’t know if it’s working. This isn’t the kind of thing where you get home and forget about it and sleep it off....
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Seeing everyone get acceptances letters really reinforces my belief that I’m not getting into any college anywhere at all and I’m doomed for life and I’m not sure what’ll happen but yeah. It’s this looming fear and it’s not really going to go away until I am no longer held in suspense. I want to know if I won any of the contests I entered. And I just want...
The good news is that I turn eighteen in a few months and I have mixed feelings about that. I also think the fact that announcement of my age shocks everyone (without fail) means I must look older. In real life, I doubt I could pass as twenty. Wouldn’t happen.
Anonymous asked: You're age? I can't find it
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Quick Note on...Attraction, Beauty, Racism?
My sisters and I sat in the living room, rattling off male celebrities we found attractive. This rambling somehow managed to organize in terms of race. We listed out white men we thought handsome, then black guys. The second list sort of came up shorter, and apparently my sisters and I have a preference for mixed guys with pretty eyes. I think there simply aren’t enough celebrities of...
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“At this very moment,’ he went on, ‘the most frightful horrors are taking place...”
– Aldous Huxley, Crome Yelow (1921). If you ever read anything I ever post.. Ch. XVI.
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hoelita ha contestado a tu publicación: Quick Note on Child/Parenting Dynamics.
I couldn’t stand my speech class, but something I did learn was that the source of most disputes are miscommunication. People need to realize that knowing how to communicate in a healthy way is important, not just at work but in all facets of life.
I think the fact that I don’t like confrontation and arguments...
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Quick Note on Child/Parenting Dynamics.
I think one of the biggest lessons growing up was just figuring out how to approach my parents for things in order to minimize angry situations. After getting in trouble a couple of times, I would finally figure out what not to do, avoid it, and things would go a lot smoother.
Figuring out my father was easy. If I needed a favor, I needed to ask in advance. And if there was something I wanted,...
hernamewastangerine:
I’m gonna say this till the day I die
I don’t care what any of you big breasted ladies say
I don’t fucking believe any of you
Everyone loves big boobs and you know you love the attention you get from them
Big boobs = happiness
and I hate you all for having them
I want them
on my own chest
or else just let me fondle yours
whatever
Upstairs, my sister is currently being reprimanded by Madre for lying about where she was going when she left the house this morning to hang out with friends. I don’t really care except for the fact that this could possibly impede on my upcoming party plans. And goddammit, I don’t need my mother in an angry, suspicious and irritated mood tomorrow when I have intentions of going to hang...
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Anonymous asked: what is your motivation when it comes to writing?
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averageassemu asked: If someone busted in your room without knocking first what would they most likely catch you doing?
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Anonymous asked: Are you a virgin? if not whats your favorite position? Why?
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Anonymous asked: favorite thing to do to your boobs in private?
I was going to clean things and be productive today. Didn’t actually happen. I was in an incredibly pleasant mood but accomplished very little. But I guess that works, too.
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little candles lit I wipe your eyes and remind you you’re melting.
(I have) (just look, I have)
fire—
(at your lowest)
Who can afford the flame when they’re burning? —what’s trust to shame?
two arms to the throat but you can’t sustain:
(loved you)
all heat yet darkness, you are:
a candle.
I’ve loved you at your lowest and you’ve loathed me...
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Currently I am regretting not living in San Francisco because there are three Chronicle Books retail stores in that area and none in New York.
Did I mention that company makes the best writing journals ever or…?
I am in this rare mood of wanting to clean everything and enjoy the quiet and it’s cool but also strange. I also feel like talking in an accent and calling everyone Reginald. Reginald is what I call people when I’m feeling fancy. Sometimes I call people Billiam. Or Prince Edroy Charles the Third.
The more obnoxious the name, the fancier.
I AM THE ONLY PERSON AWAKE IN THE WHOLE HOUSE...
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wake up
takeout strawberry banana pancakes from IHOP waiting for you on table
it’s going to be a glorious day
Good morning.
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pink-lemonaid:
I marvel at my womanhood
my stomach, my waist, my thighs
I marvel at the place where life starts
though life my never begin in me
I know that I am capable
and that feels beautiful enough
I spend time watching the drops of water hit the floor
standing naked in the mirror
twirling in circles and pausing
at every moment, embracing every silhouette
I am prideful of my...
today -
successfully convinced Padre that my brothers both have ADD/ADHD
Life cereal with honey
got out of the house
got lost except not really
after cinnamon, honey is the next best thing
adding it to cereal makes everything taste ambrosiac
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Julie London | Cry Me a River
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I just posted most of the insights from my personal Serendipity Book. I should write in it more often. It’s full of lists, post-it note reminders and blank pages. But once in a while, I use it to describe in a sentence or two a particular feeling, I guess. If I do that more often it’ll be worth a posthumous fortune because I like to think now and then I say a few quotable things.
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1/24
Whenever I am out in the world alone, I am hoping to run into someone I know. In crowds I scan faces with an almost desperate optimism, always mistaking strangers for familiars.
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8/20
I have this big fear of abandonment. I detach easily from people, only when I feel like something unnecessary in their lives. That fear keeps haunting me, as certain circumstances lead me to believe my worries are not without good reason. […] I don’t want to waste anyone’s time. And if I cannot fit into anyone’s life anymore, I want to know so I can get over it in my own...