my school is doing a breakfast for dinner buffet thing tonight and it’s the highlight of this day perhaps because i just love breakfast food so much.(7 hours ago)
I spend most days at home in bed languidly counting the passing of days, letting time slow down as I waste it binge-watching my favorite shows or scribbling story notes in one of my many journals. These days I can be found in downtown Boston, where I currently study screenwriting at Emerson College.
I am the essence of this blog, and everything here is a glimmer into my mind. I can't promise that it will be interesting or meaningful or even honest but it will always be insightful.
If you're cool with that, feel free to linger. For anything you'd like to know, either ask or pay attention.here if you're looking for something specific. ;)
I don’t have any interesting life updates to report, though I kind of wish I did. Finals week isn’t killing me. I’m in denial about everything going on in my whole life and to cope I just seem to find everything hysterical. I don’t want to talk about or deal with my problems. I don’t want to acknowledge them. I’m doing such a good job, you know?
But tomorrow, I get to make holiday cards for all my friends. I need to make a proper list of who gets what so that I can decide how many “sets” to do. I need to make a trip to Papersource too at some point. I want to get stickers, and cardstock, and I have to check Pinterest for inspiration. I get a lot of cool ideas from there.
And I’m supposed to be checking Craigslist for things. I’m not on top of anything. I’m trying to trick myself into only focusing on things that make me happy. I’m scared if I’m not careful I’ve cascade into a spiral of despair and have a nervous breakdown in public without warning.
Who. cares.(8 hours ago)
To have all the trappings of a mind
and none of the free will;
Someone had to have stood there and told you
once and for all, that you couldn’t
decode an idea out of a person,
no matter how hard you wrapped your eyes
around them, no matter how tightly you rolled
your fingers into your fists,
there wasn’t enough scope to decipher,
You were always stuck with your lonesome
to console, wondering what sort of signals
you might have failed to grasp every time you
took part in an interaction.
You are a being among beings who are learning
how to be civilized about their inquiries; it
dizzies me to ask if the universe doesn’t find something
paradoxical about how often i look at you
hoping so much to find you looking at me.
i don’t try to speculate on everything about my life but i can’t help it, oh my god.(1 day ago)
i’m taking so many chances with my sanity these days. someone ought to tell me they’re proud of me.(1 day ago)
i’ve only dated one girl and we were friends first. if there was never that friendship i would have never known that she was gay. it’s such an obstacle
i know. idk how other girls do it. i know other lesbians who are very femme and they seem to have no problems, and i’m always wondering how to give off a ‘vibe’ or something, idk. it’s a reason why i don’t like to tell people my sexuality because i get judged for not being able to say i’ve dated a girl before and it can get so exhausting having to validate myself so much.(1 day ago)
ofthemoons ha respondido a tu chat “: i have no gaydar i’m girly and i like girls who are girly, i just…”
same. it really actually kind of sucks!
exactly! it makes my life so difficult because i’m always complaining about how i’d so much prefer to date a girl but guys are just so much more accessible…because well, they’re there. and i’m really shy with boys. but if i knew a girl was queer and i liked her, i’d have no issue with asking her out or something. i just can’t tell.(1 day ago)
- : i have no gaydar
- i'm girly and i like girls who are girly,
- i just can't fucking win
- : you just have to find them in their natural habitat
- : when it comes to dating, i'm like, forward to a point
- as in, i'll make a few advances at first but if i start to suspect it's not going anywhere i basically just stop
- and then i evaporate
so i listened to the new justin bieber / chance song and… i like it? but like chance is really only on it for all of 5 seconds so that was like the biggest disappointment of the song.(1 day ago)
Death and I convene in the back of a bar. He presses an unlit cigarette to my lips and says, “You’re not going to get with me any quicker unless you inhale.” He’s a tease, that Death. I taste the end when his bones clink against mine. He’s pleased with how I flatter him-hanging out in smoky rooms at three in the afternoon, drinking beer for breakfast, letting lace hang beneath my white thighs as I wink at the walls. At sunset, he invites me into his carriage and says, “The day is being murdered, its blood runs red across the sky. Each second is gone, killed by my tongue. Look, another and another!”
He is proud of the ones he’s touched. He recites their like a poem to show me that I will inevitably end up at home with him. Oh, and how he laughs when I argue that I am invincible! But he lets me have my fun and rush into the waves, because he likes that I tease them to take me, all the while believing that my thighs can endure their cold slaps.
Death has taught me one thing: when someone is gone, we try to simplify them into one word. Emily Dickinson-writer. John Wayne Gacy Jr.-serial killer. Death-the overseer of it all. Since my birth was a death sentence, am I nothing but a corpse who is living for an uncertain amount of time before meeting my inevitable fate?
Oh Death, he’s taken such an interest in me. One day, leaning against a cobwebbed slot machine, he says, “Keep going with that whiskey. Oh that’s good, keep the knife close. Yes, yes, stay in bed. You don’t need a meal. You don’t need words. Stay silent, stay still, you’re with me when you practice dying.” He says he can taste himself on my lips when I eat nothing but coffee and half-finished poetry. But I have taught him something, the greatest lesson of all: If all I have is time that is running out, I want to spend it living, not looking for a way out.
i wish i could draw. it’d be so useful at a time like this to be artistically inclined.(1 day ago)